i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
