I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
