So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it was like eating out sand paper
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
