My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize