DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
