I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
