Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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