Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
