Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
