That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
