I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
