I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
