every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
