I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
