I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
