More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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