I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
