she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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