i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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