I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
