Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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