I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
