you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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