yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize