I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
