Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
