kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
