Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
