so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this hospital has no fireball
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
