Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
