She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
