As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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