That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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