she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
