guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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