The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
