Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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