i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
