??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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