I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize