I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
