Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
