She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
