Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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