Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
