He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The air taste purple.
Randomize