Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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