Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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