Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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