you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
