He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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