she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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