and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
