He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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