I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize