Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
