my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
