i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
