Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
