I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
