Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
