I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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