What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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