Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
