i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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