HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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