Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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