Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
