you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you would pick up someone in the library
even my farts smell like vagina
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
