Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
