What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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