I could make wine with my vomit
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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