I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
