I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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