Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
